For your amusement, I pulled a few quotes that made me scratch my head.

In the How Long Did It take You to Come to This Epiphany Department

Timmy Geithner said Thursday morning that budget cuts and tax increases, along with higher oil prices are continuing risks to the US economy. (Emphasis mine)

Well, duh, Timmeh. With the exception of the budget cut nonsense, can you relay that information to your boss, for heaven’s sake? Let’s go ahead with Keystone; let’s forget about tax increases; and let’s repeal those regulations that are strangling our economy. Will you please allow American businesses to do what they do best? You know, like make money and then hire people. I know it has become an antiquated idea but it works—and that is the point.

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From the Can I Get Another Double Department

Old Joltin’ Joe is in his cups again. On Wednesday he had a Howard Dean bout of projectile Tourette’s during a cult gathering in Youngtown, Ohio.

I resent when they talk about families like mine that I grew up in. I resent the fact that they think we’re talking about envy: it’s job envy, it’s wealthy envy; that we don’t dream,

My mother believed and my father believed that if I wanted to be president of the United States, that I could be, I could be vice president! My mother and father believed that if my brother or sister wanted to be a millionaire, they could be a millionaire! My mother and father dreamed as much as any rich guy dreams!

Whoa, Joe. Take a deep breath and another shot from your hip flask. Don’t you know you’ve just undercut your boss’ fairness doctrine? We can’t be making people rich because everyone must be the same in the gray world envisioned by the Anointed One.

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In the Jump Through Their Arses to Demonstrate They Actually Work Department

Sens. Schumer and Bob Casey, D-Pa introduced a bill on Thursday called the Ex-PATRIOT Act (how clever these boobs are). This bill was written specifically for the case of Eduardo Saverin, co-founder of Facebook. The act they are pushing would re-impose taxes on expatriates like Saverin even after they flee the United States, taking up residence in a foreign country. It would also impose a mandatory 30 percent tax on the capital gains of anybody who renounces their U.S. citizenship and would bar individuals like Saverin from reentering the United States again.

Great, we have real problems and these two town clowns are jumping all over themselves to fix a truly inconsequential problem. Hey Chuckie and Bobby: lower the tax rate and people might stick around. Why, they might even reinvest in other US businesses. Oh, the horrors, the humanity. Besides, if Eduardo doesn’t want to live here, I want him to leave. As a matter of fact, I demand he leave. Hell, I’d like all those who dislike this country to leave. Barry can go anytime he likes.

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In the Officer I Thought You Were A Cab Driver Department

DC Police to allow Sikhs to wear turbans and sport beards….

Yeah and next they’ll be pandering to out-of-work circus acts–The Insane Clown Posse. What the hell, they’re all bozos anyway.

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In the You Can’t Make This Crap Up Department

Sideshow barker Jay Carney (such an appropriate name) said on Thursday that a plan by a conservative PAC to run ads featuring Jeremiah Wright were “divisive”.

What? Really?

Of all the sanctimonious cattle pie ever dropped out of the constipated but overworked bowels of an administration, this one takes the first prize. For anyone in this administration to call the actions of any opponent “divisive” is to reach an unparalleled height of hypocrisy. These dissembling twerps should be ashamed of themselves and would be if they had any sense of decency or honor. They don’t and never will.

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Finally,

From the Who Gives a Rat’s Backside Department

Sleeping arrangements at the G8 summit is classified according to the NSA Advisor to the President.

That should make the Secret Service breathe a sigh of relief.